I was not one of those women who spontaneously went into hard labor and popped out her first-born within thirty-five minutes. Nor did I show up for my thirty-eight week appointment only to discover that I was miraculously and painlessly eight centimeters dilated and promptly rushed to delivery.
Every group of mothers inevitably contains one of those irksome women. If you are one of these women, I'm sorry. You irk. Her labor story undoubtedly begins with "Don't hate me but ..." She could be your bestie, but she pisses you off and deep down in your soul, you resent her talent for birthing with speed, if not ease.
The labor story conversation happens in our group when the girls get together for the first time after someone has a baby, which seems to be every time we're together these days. It gets harder to find the time to gather and our group is in breeding mode. So there you have it. The labor story conversation - on a loop.
Personally, I love it. I've learned so much from my brave and enthusiastic girlfriends who collectively bore fourteen beebs before I had Leighton. I got my learnin' on every girls' weekend, wedding and baby shower for years. This education is priceless.
I will never win the super-easy-labor contest. No one will ever say "I hate you" in the way that means "I'm sick with envy and in awe of you" in reference to Leighton's entrance into this universe. I had painful contractions for days, was in labor in the hospital for sixteen hours after that, tore rather unfortunately and was waterlogged for three weeks because of the epidural. Big weenie.
Actually, I didn't care, and I wasn't that much of a weenie. The day she was born was the most fun day of my entire life. But, it was not a cake walk by any stretch of even the wildest imagination.
I don't want to win, and I don't need to. I can do one better. Don't hate me but...
I love my Mother-In-Law. The feeling seems mutual.
Gasp. Shock and awe. No. I am not estranged from my own mother. In fact, my mom is the finest person I know. I have not been brainwashed. I was not compensated for my opinion in this regard. My mother-in-law just happens to be non-judgmental, loving, extremely cool and responsible for raising my best friend, husband, baby daddy and love of my life.
Yep. Sometimes I hate me too.