I was giving Leighton a bath today - splashing about with a pink rubber ducky. Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck. Finally, I said This is a duck. Can you say duck? And she did! DUH-CKAH. Nofa King way I thought to myself.
SIDEBAR: The Nofa King (as in Nofa King chance in hell I would Facebook friend my ex) is the evil step-brother of the Sofa King (as in Sofa King drunk and Sofa King hungover).
The days of thinking that we can get away with using language inappropriate for a toddler are O-V-E-R. I guess that means I can't rock her to sleep while watching Entourage anymore either. Mommy. What's a douche bag? Nope. Not pretty.
Dear readers (assuming you all enjoy using the old mother-effer as much as me and anyone interviewed by James Lipton), how did you handle the transition from ice road trucker to responsible parent? I'm having trouble.
I'm never going to say shut the front door or cheese and crackers. I would start to hate myself rather quickly. But, I would like to find a reasonable way to avoid a kindergarten parent/teacher conference where it's explained to me that Leighton called Sadie a mother-fucker and we aren't invited back.
I realize that filling the adjective gap with foul language is just plain lazy and that far more descriptive words lead to more accurate expression. Moreover, we want our daughter to have an expansive vocabulary and swearing isn't going to help. Kids mimic their parents good or bad. I need to systematically eradicate the naughty words from the Freeman household and it's going to take some thoughtful effort.
While the plan is to use real words to calmly describe most situations, we still need a few replacements for those excited utterances that call for something more. I haven't come up with anything good and don't particularly care for what's out there. I will post a followup once I've settled on some favorites.
In the interim, I will rely on some old standbys; I have used shitake to replace one choice word and fuh(ck)-crying out loud can mask the f-bomb in a pinch. And maybe we'll inject some Orbitz-commercial speak to ease the transition from crass to class. It's relevant and silly. I mean what the french toast isn't funny about cootie queen and lint licker?
What expressions do you use in place of profanity in your kiddo-friendly household? Please post a comment and share your fuss with us!