I've come to realize that Ryan and I practice an unapologetic approach to child-rearing. We educate ourselves. We Google, read books, study social implications of various choices, conduct field research and discuss findings with other parents. Then, we make decisions that suit us (all of us) best. We’re doing it our way.
This ‘kiss my ass if you don’t like it” style brings with it a solemn vow to NOT JUDGE other parents, to NEVER say NEVER and the strength to let grandparents occasionally toss our ideology out the window.
SIDEBAR: I'm writing this post on the Hiawatha Amtrak between Milwaukee and Chicago (have a meeting) and Leighton is with my parents. Bradley, his brother and his noticeably pregnant mother are seated behind me and Bradley’s behavior is less than ideal. So much so that his mother just asked him if he wanted her to take him into the train bathroom and SPANK him. Thankfully, he said “no”.
I am neither thrice pregnant with two boys under five, nor am I judging (anymore) as promised. Okay, I must acknowledge a self-directed “big shame” for breaking my first rule for a split second, even though I will NEVER spank my kids. Oops. Broke the second rule too.
Good thing I have no control over rule number three. Even if, at this very moment, Leighton is playing with matches in a pile of broken glass while watching tv (which she most certainly isn’t) I would likely say nothing about the whole hot mess. In fact, I'm sure she's singing songs, learning about what letter comes after O, practicing new animal sounds, being loved to pieces and enjoying every second of it. I can't complain about my parents loving my child. Even if they go about it differently than I would. Even if she gets a scoop of ice cream with her oatmeal. Naughty!
I don’t think we’re alone in this design-your-own parenthood - fully equipped without the pressures of childhoods past. It’s a new and improved blend of the last centuries' best and most relevant bits.
50’s – one parent stays home; family road trips are the norm; wooden toys are the rage
60’s – activism; acoustic guitar rocks; family bed and breastfeeding rule
70’s – dinners at home; live music for kids; comfy is fashionable
80’s – Star Wars thrills; teachers are awesome; taking fashion into your own young hands is totally awesome
90’s – tolerance is preached; goverment is questioned; Nintendo is just the beginning
Granted, parenting styles don’t radically change every 10 years to the day. And, the previous century carried it's share of bad influence, but with each decade that eventually distills to its essence, we learn and the good stuff moves on with us.
Participating in traveling soccer, gymnastics, piano, play groups and summer camps while learning to speak French fluently by age six is gleefully a thing of the past. Plus, it’s just too much work to update the holiday card with all of that crap every year. Recently (and maybe because we all reevaluated what’s important when the economy took a poop, and some of us are doing the stay-at-home parenting without a choice) we’re doing a better job of listening to what our kids enjoy and filtering out the nice-to-haves from the need-to-haves. Instant g is less important and spending time together is a monumental sign of this time.
It’s a good time. Let’s enjoy it.
What do you feel is the parenting style du jour and how much do you incorporate (or dismiss) it when it comes to your family? Please leave a comment and share your fuss with us.
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