The Daily Fuss

A Three Year-Old's Interpretation

Leighton: Why does she say "damn"?

Mom: It's not very nice, but those are her lyrics.

Leighton: "Damn" is a bad word.

Mom: Yes.

Leighton: Sometimes big people say "damn"?

Mom: Yes.

Leighton: Sometimes singers say "damn"?

Mom: Yes. Now stop saying it.

Leighton: Why does she say "damn"?

Mom: I don't know why she chose that word. I guess it goes with the song.

Leighton: She's just mad because strangers are in her bed.

 

Katy Perry: Last Friday Night

There's a stranger in my bed

There's a pounding in my head

Glitter all over the room

Pink flamingos in the pool

I smell like a minibar

DJ's passed out in the yard

Barbies on the barbeque

Is this a hickey or a bruise

Pictures of last night

Ended up online

I'm screwed Oh well

It's a blacked-out blur

But I'm pretty sure it ruled

Damn

Last Friday Night ...

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Bleeping Haters

Oh boy. Apparently, Modern Family is eroding what's left of the Leave-It-to-Beaverishness in America.

I should have known better than to watch that show. Prudish 18 year-olds are all the rage these days, anyway.

Admittedly, I would be a much better parent if I just pretended certain words don't exist and joined the no cussing club.

This is just so silly.

FUCK.

It's a word. It's part of our lexicon. I've studied language and literature extensively prior to studying law. I'm smart and funny and use the f-word from time to time. Okay. Let's be honest - several times each day.

I truly appreciate language (structurally, contextually, historically and culturally). I also have an affection for the 1st amendment as it relates to creativity.

I'm thirty-five years old and have two small children. I work and watch this show with a glass of wine when it's time to relax. Modern Family is a smart show. It's hilarious and far more family-centric than the commercials bookending segments of children's shows airing on ABC (Viagra etc.).

Once McKay Hatch has lived some real life, I'm sure he will look back and see what a useless and ill-placed crusade this is.

To be clear, let's remember one more thing - this is just my fucking opinion.

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Multitasking

So, I'm feeding Mairin. Since she's almost one, she only requires a top-off around dinner time and then some evening nursing. On this particular night, I'm also still working - tap, tap, tapping away at my laptop.

Leighton is quiet for a moment or two (which is certainly suspicious) and so I look up and whip my head around.

Woosh. Woosh.

Not to worry. There she is on her little, green PBK couch with a baby doll stuffed up her Dorothy dress, shimmering her fingers about. ("Shimmering" is the best way to describe it. "Fluttering" would be close too.)

"Are you feeding your baby?", I asked.

"Yes.", she replied with confidence. "But I also need my laptop."

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Please Mommy Dad

I have yet to explain to Leighton that Feliz Navidad is a song about Christmas, sung in Spanish.

This occurred to me while I listened to her singing her spin on the happy tune.

Please mommy dad

Please mommy dad

Please mommy dad because you know I know a fuzzy dot

She's so cute, I can hardly stand it. Someday, the little lisp and Jersey accent will disappear and I will miss it terribly.

Excuse Me?

A toddler can turn a ten-minute car ride into an hour.

A toddler who needs to stop to pee in crowded downtown Chicago on a friday night on the way to your brother-in-law's rehearsal dinner can turn that ride into a circus sideshow.

Ryan, his mom, Leighton, Mairin and I packed into the minivan for the brief trip from Navy Pier to Maggiano's. As soon as the last seat-belt clicked, Lei informed us that she had to pee. I said, "We will be there in five minutes. You can pee at the restaurant.

Traffic was horrendous and we made a wrong turn. A series of wrong turns and one-way streets led us a bit north. The whole time, Leighton was calmly repeating that she needed a rest stop.

Mairin started crying.

Lei's volume increased. "I have to go potty. I have to go potty." In a sing-songy cadence.

The radio was on. (Don't ask me why).

My mother-in-law dug frantically for an address.

My husband began sweating.

I focused on breathing in my nose and out of my mouth. I was feeling car sick.

Finally, it became obvious that Lei felt she needed more attention. "I HAVE TO PEE DAMMIT. DAMMIT I HAVE TO PEE. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. DAMMIT."

Whoa.

We stopped at a restaurant and Grandma whisked Lei out of her seat. We were parked around the corner from the entrance (another one-way situation) so we couldn't readily see that this particular restaurant was closed.

Grandma came back twelve minutes later, sweating, carrying Lei in heels, back aching because the toddler insisted on being carried the five block trek to find a suitable potty and Grandma obliged.

Ryan's brother was married in July (feel free to go back and reread that knowing it was 85 degrees outside). Until yesterday, I had forgotten about that car ride and how we spent the remainder of it trying not to laugh at Leighton's proper use of such a naughty word.

Yesterday afternoon, Lei was goofing around on a chair and knocked over my external hard drive. As it crashed to the floor I yelled "Dammit Leighton". She happily skipped around the house yelling "Dammit Leighton" for the next five minutes.

I no longer have to guess as to where she learned that word.

Oh Boy!

Earlier this year, I had a revelation related to the use of foul language in front of Leighton. It was the first phase of me coming to the realization that she is impressionable.

This realization has escalated to a new way of life that involves me always having to eat my vegetables and to stop saying things like "I'm not really a nap person" even though I'm really not.

Leighton is incredibly verbal and super duper stubborn. This lethal combination can be frustrating. I just need to remember that she's sixteen months old, not sixteen years when I feel my face getting red.

Everything has to be her idea or it sucks. (Ryan will tell you that she gets this from me. I disagree, but only because it's his hypothesis). So I need to be crafty in suggesting activities such as putting on pjs or petting Luella.

Instead of "oh shit" or "damn it" I say "Oh Boy". I apparently utter this quite a bit because Lei tosses that little nugget out there with serious frequency. "Oh Boyiee!"  I must also have an affection for "okay" because she's been using it in place of "yes" and it's driving me insane. Wanna play on the swing? Kay! Wanna come in for lunch? Kay! Wanna stop saying Kay? Nope.

Scraping the bottom of the patience barrel is incessant use of the word "mine". I know it's just one stepping stone on the steep path of self-actualization and identification, but it's maddening. Last week I told Lei that I didn't like the way she was using that word. "Who taught you that?" I asked. I knew her truth before she uttered the answer - a sweet little "You".

Ear-itation

I'm fed up with ear infections.  Lei isn't quite eleven months old and we've already had five. SINCE OCTOBER.

We started the one-day-a-week at daycare thing October 1st. We took December off completely because we couldn't take being sick anymore and miraculously escaped antibiotics for much of that month. Last week was our last day. For now anyway.

SIDEBAR: I do not consider antibiotics an over-the-counter equivalent. In fact, I'd rather not rely on them. However, when my kid is too tiny to tell me what's really wrong and to what degree. And, her ped prescribes them. And, I'm positive this is the last ear infection. And, we're getting on an airplane in five days. WE TAKE THEM. Defeatedly. But we take them.

The owners of our day care were initially defensive about our choice to temporarily pull Leighton from day care. I GET IT. Day care doesn't cause ear infections. Still, there is a reason most parents refer to day care as a petri dish. My logic, leading to what I consider a good parenting decision, is as follows:

At day care, a small herd of children are playing on top of each other all day long. Thus, I must assume that germs and toys are shared alike. Plus, as I mentioned previously, Leighton looooooves her friends. She loves them hard. If germs are present, Lei will certainly pick them up. If she's crawling with germs, she will get sick. If she gets sick, she will absolutely get an ear infection.

CONCLUSION: I must keep this child healthy until her eustachian tubes develop or she can properly blow her nose.  Leighton had never been sick until day care and was perfectly healthy for the month she was away. And so it goes ... No more day care. No more colds. No more ear infections. I pray to every god out there that this works. I will do whatever it takes to NOT PUT those tubes in her little ears.

I need your feedback, dear readers:

1) What is your experience with nanny versus daycare and your kids getting sick?

2) What are your thoughts on taking antibiotics versus watchful waiting?

3) Did your child have ear tubes and did they actually work to some degree of success?

Thanks so much for reading. Please leave a comment to answer one or all of the questions and share your fuss with us!

What the Fuss? Vaporized

This cold season is kicking ass in the Freeman household. I mentioned that Leighton goes to daycare one day each week for socialization. By socialization I apparently mean germification. We get a new cold (or symptom at the very least) every time we go and now Lei's ears are infected.

Sidebar: Honestly, I think we wound up with an ear infection because our Boogie Buster broke and it took a few days for a new one to arrive (Walgreens was sold out). FYI, the Boogie Buster has a thin, white, rubber washer in the detachable part that is responsible for creating adequate suction. If you lose it, the whole thing won't suck properly.

Sidebar 2: Our gym has an incredible steam room with menthol vapors. I'm a bit of a claustrophobe and engage in a mild self-torture session when I go. I force myself to stay in the steam room as long as possible, and by the time I run out of the room naked and screaming, I feel like a new woman. It's just a cryin' shame that I can't bring those soothing medicinal vapors home with me for Lei ... or can I?

This week, the current strain of the toddler plague has morphed into a double ear infection, complete with fluorescent green eye goop, and no sleep for mom and dad. Lei insists on sleeping upright at the moment. Poor munchkin.

A few nights ago, Ryan came home with the Kaz Germ Free Cool Moisture Humidifier sponsored by Vicks. It's a cool mist humidifier and is 99.9% germ free. Plus, it has a little slot for Vicks Pediatric Vapopads to turn a medium-sized bedroom into a therapeutic spa experience for your wee tot. It was $80.00 at the pharmacy by our house and I am oh-so-very-delighted that he found it. It's a game changer.

The humidifier is a 1ft by 1ft box and is convenient to lift and fill. You can run it for up to 24 hours without refilling it. It doesn't steam up the room or make the air heavy and wet. Instead, it automatically regulates moisture and emits lovely, boogie-cutting vapors. Ahhhh. Sweet relief.

No matter, we are now on the road to recovery. We're taking antibiotics, skipping a week of daycare. and vaporizing ourselves to sleep. Oh, and I'll be sleeping in Leighton's room tonight.

This product review conforms to the Fuss Formula.

Has anyone used this? Do you love it, hate it, ambivalent? Also, I'm curious: has anyone out there discovered a connection between dairy and chronic ear infections.

Spoiler Alert: Instant G

It goes like this: I buy Tickle Monster for Leighton to give to her at Christmas ... and I read it to her that night. What the? I find a nice toy for St. Nick ... and I unwrap it the second it's delivered. Makes sense. 

I have a Gymboree coupon and the next thing I know, Leighton has the entire Daddy's Little Night Owl line complete with matching tops, onesies, pants, leggings, dress, jumper, sweaters, hat, bib, blanket, socks and fruffle. Utter necessities.

I get it from my mother. Growing up as an only child with my parents was no less than amazing. They raised an independent thinker, fully equipped with confidence, common sense, deductive reasoning, razor wit and a tendency to buy it in all three colors when she can't settle on just one. I could need all three at some point.

After college, my mom told me that I had better go to law school and get a good job so that I would be able to afford myself. How right she was. Still, I am able to own a home, shop like a champ and save money simultaneously. For that I am ridiculously grateful.

I don't just love to shop. To shop sounds so lame and perfunctory, as if shopping were the simple act of procuring goods.  It's more than that. It's the thrill of a bargain and the instantaneous gratification spurred on by the acquisition - THE INSTANT G. I have a particular talent for achieving instant g. And so I share it, and the exhilaration it brings, with all of you.

We perpetually purge our belongings - ebaying and donating where appropriate. But, deep down, I would secretly like to live more simply. And we will start ... just as soon is Leighton is old enough to understand the fine art/trap of consumerism. Or maybe I won't be able to change at all.

I get it. Little girls, teens and women are marketed to more than ferociously than anyone. Moreover, I have no delusions about what material goods really do for the soul - nothing. In fact, spoiling a child can cause bad behavior, from whining to tantrums to bankruptcy. Still, we live in a world with stuff and I figure that if we manage to raise Lei with confidence, common sense, deductive reasoning and razor sharp wit, she too will have no trouble navigating commercial terrain.

Thoughts? Can you really spoil a child with presents or is it a combination of factors? Post to comments and share your fuss with us!

Hard Lovin'

Leighton attends day care one day each week - actually, she goes to work. The place is called Kids' Work - Where kids go to work. Mommy works. Daddy works and so does Leighton. Lue doesn't have an occupation per se but she does hold the honorable and taxing position of team morale manager. It's a tough job and Lue agreed to take it on.

Leighton has a nanny or grandma and grandpa for the other days, but we reasoned that exposing our daughter (and at this moment, only child) to other kids, before she gets too set in her little ways, would be a great idea. 

It truly is a great idea. At least it is now that we've had our seasonal flu and H1N1 vaccinations.

From the first day, little Lei burst through Kids' Work the doors, saw a room full of toys we don't have at home and got busy. She didn't even look back at me as I stocked her cabinet shelf (designated by the label-maker sticker that said "Leighton") and eventually left. When she realized that there were several other teeny people just like her, she appeared simultaneously amazed, comforted and excited. I must say that seeing this as a parent is exhilarating.

When you expose your peanut to the world outside your home, you open the door to germs, sassy behaviors and a retooling of the daily schedule. I occasionally pretend that I ascribe to a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants brand of spontaneity, but admittedly, I do enjoy a baby on a schedule.

Let's save the germ generosity and schedule dismantling discussion for another day. I'd like to examine the whole sassy behaviors thing.

I get the full scoop each time I pick Lei up from work. Feedings, poopy diapers, naps, what she worked on pointing, waving, walking. Since we only go once each week, and she changes so much every day, the report usually includes a nice little nugget I wasn't quite expecting. For example, a few weeks ago, I learned that Leighton loves to kiss other kids on the top of the head. How cute.

Unfortunately, this week, the kissing on the head routine has turned to a more vicious demonstration of love - the kind that includes hair pulling and copious amounts of drool - that ultimately results in the other kid screaming, crying and desperately trying to free himself from Lei's mighty grip. Oops.

When the teacher told me last week that Lei "needs to  practice being gentle" and explained the course of the day's events to me, I wondered what the point was. The term gentle means nothing to a seven month-old. Just ask Luella and her bald spot. I felt like letting the teacher know that we would stop tackling each other by the head and planting big, wet, open-mouthed kisses on each other at home. We can certainly find a more conventional ways of displaying affection.

The truth is, the teacher is great and said that Leighton loves the other kids - she just loves them a little too hard. Bottom line: Love is a good thing. Still, we never underestimate Leighton's ability to comprehend. Needless to say, we are working on being gentle this week.

At what age did the words "gentle" or "nice-nice" finally click for your kiddo? Please post to comments and share your fuss with us.

Fussworthy Tunes: Music Together Family Favorites

"Hello to Leighton. So glad to see you." We can't stop singing it. We add Luella, Mommy and Daddy to the mix and it's more than our baby can handle - she grins and drools and it's so much fun.

Family Favorites™ has 19 fun and wholesome songs drawn from the Music Together® library of nine albums. One song entitled "Goin' for Coffee" seems to be designed with the idea in mind that acquisition of your fave Starbucks concoction can be accomplished within the duration of the song, no matter where you live. In other words, the little ditty is short and sweet ... or "tall with sugar". 

I picked up the CD for $17 at Giggle in Lincoln Park, but I don't see it on the website. You can pick it up from the Music Together website for a song (pun absolutely intended) at $14.95.

Family Favorites™ may sound a bit goofy to you at first. I chose "goofy" (laboring over the use of that word as I was going for "light" rather than "pejorative") because no self-respecting thirty-three-year-old who fancies herself hip and forward-thinking can handle the fact that she gets excited about a wipe warmer, Jumperoo and an album that isn't Adele or Coldplay or some Top 40 fluff that she can't admit she likes (not in her blog anyway).

I love to sing. I love music - Ryan and I both do. We believe that music is an entertaining and practical way for children to express themselves. And so, we shelve the "too-cool-for-school" attitude and happily sing along. "Zoom. Zoom. Ridin' In the Car ..."

This product review conforms to the Fuss Formula. 

What the Fuss? BabyLegs

BabyLegs are legwarmers for babies and kids - handy little items I wish I would have invented. They come in a multitude of designs and colors to match (or deliberately mismatch) just about every outfit.

These comfy fashion accessories are easy to put on and particularly useful because we keep our air conditioning jacked up in the summer and BabyLegs protect Leighton's mini shanks from the chill without interfering with diaper changes. Plus, she wears cloth diapers and pants don't always fit quite right over her somewhat poofy little bum.

The Academy and Popsicle designs are easy favorites. We also have Organic and Supersoft, which are longer so they don't quite fit yet. The newest style Cool! is made from 50+ UPF breathable mesh for summer. We haven't tried them yet, but I suspect a pair will make it's way into my cart soon.

As per usual, I bought them off of the official website, but you can get them lots of places now. Target has My First BabyLegs too for little babies. For some reason, these are not on the official website. At $12/pair for the standard and $15/pair for the supersoft the price point is a bit high.  But BabyLegs are well-made and I think they're so cute, I seem to have no problem spending the money.

This product review conforms to the Fuss Formula.

Thoroughly tested and gleefully approved by Miss Leighton Elizabeth.

What the Fuss? Envirosax

I fancy myself environmentally conscious … or as environmentally conscious as I can be while accepting a continuous flow of online purchase deliveries to my home.  With that in mind, plastic shopping bags drive me crazy and finding a store in my neighborhood that accepts them for recycling just isn’t happening. Thus, I am addicted to Envirosax. I’ve been using them for years now.

Envirosax are basically nylon shopping bags that hold lots of stuff, look great, fit comfortably over your shoulder and come in lots of fantastic designs. They roll up and have a snap tab to keep them rolled in your stroller, purse, car or man bag.

I have several of the Graphic Series and a few sax from the Green Grocer line. I have yet to try the Organic, but you can bet that will be my next purchase. The true purpose of this post however, is the Kids Series. Hip and cute! What a great way to teach kids about environmental responsibility.

Envirosax will run you $8.50 per bag or you can buy a set of five for $37.95. The size is perfect, and I believe you can fit more in one of these bags than in a large, paper shopping bag. They hold up well, as long as you don’t drag them on the ground with several bottles of wine in them. Doing so will eventually produce a hole … I would imagine.

I’ve seen Envirosax around the city at various stores, but I buy them off the official website. I have no reason for doing so other than the fact that I like to have access to all of the designs. I realize that I’ve mentioned groceries, but I also use Envirosax for trips to the farmer’s market, as a hamper when I travel, to haul loot home from a trip to my parents’ house, to take food or wine to a friend’s party and for all other shopping. If you are one of those people who likes to accumulate bags from various stores during a trip to the mall because you think it’s cool, please understand that going the ecological/sustainable route is much cooler. I promise.

As a bonus, your kid can follow your positive example and cart his or her kid belongings all over town in eco-friendly style. Oh yeah. Envirosax make great gifts too, meanwhile helping you make a statement about our precious planet.

This product review conforms to the Fuss Formula.